This is so raw Sol. If it makes you feel any better, my kids are 7 years apart. We didn't want a second child we were happy with one but I think God had other plans. But let me tell you ...I think that timing could not be more than perfect because at 7 years my elder one was completely independent... So we could focus on our newborn without worrying too much about the elder one specially in those early sleepless nights. Our elder one knew what he was getting into... what to expect ...there was absolutely no sibling rivalry ,he understood that the baby needs mom and dad more at the moment but still I am the favourite first one nobody could take his place.
Also he was a great help... on a day that I needed a coffee break I need it a quick shower I could do that without worrying about the baby because my elder one was mature enough to take care of him.
And we could enjoy meals at restaurants because we created a baby sitter 7 years ago 😛.
So, trust God and his plans. The best is yet to come 💛
Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment. I needed this.
There is a small part of me that is thankful we’ll have a larger age gap than what we’d anticipated, and that we don’t have to deal with the chaos of 3 under 2 (because we found out it was a good chance it was twins). Not that I’m thankful we don’t have them—I would give anything to have not miscarried.
But since I can’t change what’s happened, part of me is relieved. Thankful that my firstborn will be older and more capable, whenever we have our next kid. I know whatever the age gap may be, I will be thankful for it and for the extra time I had with just my daughter.
Thank you again for the encouragement. I really, really appreciated it more than you know ❤️🩹
I am so sorry for your loss Sol 🖤 I also beleived we will have a smaller age gap (especially because my husband is 47) but we just keep waiting. My daughter at 2,5 YO is still breastfeeding, cosleeping (with at least 2x waking up at night) and we still see her too tiny. I truly hope and trust that when the time comes (if we will be blessed with another baby) it will be right for everyone.
You are brave and strong and I wish you the very best.
This has me tearing up. Beautifully written and so raw but honest. My husband and I are trying for our second at the moment and we were sure it would happen quickly because it did the first time, but it turns out my cycles are all out of whack because I'm still breastfeeding our son, and it is hard. I've seen so many people "just" get pregnant without hardly a thought. It's so hard.
I'm sorry you lost your little one. I wish you the best of luck in your journey going forward.
I'm glad you found solidarity here, Samantha. It's such an emotional mind game when our expectations for pregnancy timing don't go like we thought it would.
This is so tender, and so human. The ache of timelines that didn’t unfold as we hoped, the quiet sting of comparison, the longing tucked beneath gratitude—I felt all of it in your words.
You’ve written something that so many are living but can’t always say. Your honesty, especially in naming both love for your friend and the heartbreak of what could have been, is so sacred.
And that ending… El Roi, the God who sees—what a gentle balm. He sees your tears, your waiting, your hopes not yet realized. You are held in this.
Thank you for letting us into such a raw, holy space. You are not alone 🤍
The quiet anger. The “why me?” that we try to shove down so we don’t seem ungrateful. That line about having to swallow our sadness so others don’t choke on it?? Whew. That’s the part I didn’t even know I needed to read. You put words to something beautiful Sol!
It’s rough. I have a grown son and a grandchild but after my first child died at birth and I was told I had 50/50 chances of it happening again, a pregnant friend suggested I let my husband impregnate someone else and pay them for the baby. That was 1986 and it still hurts to remember. You definitely have better friends, which is a blessing. That said, I feel your pain and am sending good juju your way❤️
Oh Sol - all of this. I too had a friend (two of them in fact) with the same due date as me and it was joyful and excruciating at the same time to watch that day come and go for them and see how they became a family while we stayed the same.
I also agonize over our ever widening age gap - it’s all I think about when I see other families now. I’m always calculating the ages between their children, looking for a reassurance that my own will be fine as well.
I’m trying to tell myself that all families are beautiful in their own construction and that childhood is but a short period in a life. My son will be so appreciative of a sibling later in his life even if the gap is harder to navigate when they are small. And I try to look for the beauty in the gap also - we got so much time and love to pour into our eldest when he was an only.
I am sending you all the love in the world. This is the worst club in the world to be a member of, truly.
Sweet human, I'm so sorry. You sound like you're in the exact same spot as me. There is so much to be thankful for, but also, it hurts. But neither of us are alone <3
This hits so hard, and it's so difficult to trust in the Lord in the midst of suffering. It feels personal, and unjust, and just plain old wrong, because it is wrong that such precious life is gone. I'm sorry, Sol. I don't know what God's plan is for you and your fam. A verse that's been helping me with my MC is Jeremiah 29:11. Though it took decades for that fulfillment of scripture, it showed that God works in the long-term, and his faithfulness is there even when there's suffering among his people.
Our youngest daughter was 7 when we adopted a 2.5 year old. She had been praying for a sister. That's 15 years ago and I have always been amazed at their close relationship even though they are 4 years apart in age!
wowww how you write is beautiful. i’m acc looking to connect w writers w similar styles to mine/ styles i like so wld y wanna be mutuals? i uploaded a post today too if u wanna read!
This is so raw Sol. If it makes you feel any better, my kids are 7 years apart. We didn't want a second child we were happy with one but I think God had other plans. But let me tell you ...I think that timing could not be more than perfect because at 7 years my elder one was completely independent... So we could focus on our newborn without worrying too much about the elder one specially in those early sleepless nights. Our elder one knew what he was getting into... what to expect ...there was absolutely no sibling rivalry ,he understood that the baby needs mom and dad more at the moment but still I am the favourite first one nobody could take his place.
Also he was a great help... on a day that I needed a coffee break I need it a quick shower I could do that without worrying about the baby because my elder one was mature enough to take care of him.
And we could enjoy meals at restaurants because we created a baby sitter 7 years ago 😛.
So, trust God and his plans. The best is yet to come 💛
Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment. I needed this.
There is a small part of me that is thankful we’ll have a larger age gap than what we’d anticipated, and that we don’t have to deal with the chaos of 3 under 2 (because we found out it was a good chance it was twins). Not that I’m thankful we don’t have them—I would give anything to have not miscarried.
But since I can’t change what’s happened, part of me is relieved. Thankful that my firstborn will be older and more capable, whenever we have our next kid. I know whatever the age gap may be, I will be thankful for it and for the extra time I had with just my daughter.
Thank you again for the encouragement. I really, really appreciated it more than you know ❤️🩹
I am so sorry for your loss Sol 🖤 I also beleived we will have a smaller age gap (especially because my husband is 47) but we just keep waiting. My daughter at 2,5 YO is still breastfeeding, cosleeping (with at least 2x waking up at night) and we still see her too tiny. I truly hope and trust that when the time comes (if we will be blessed with another baby) it will be right for everyone.
You are brave and strong and I wish you the very best.
You're so kind, Dora. I pray you are blessed with another at exactly the right time!
Thank you so much Sol 🩷
This has me tearing up. Beautifully written and so raw but honest. My husband and I are trying for our second at the moment and we were sure it would happen quickly because it did the first time, but it turns out my cycles are all out of whack because I'm still breastfeeding our son, and it is hard. I've seen so many people "just" get pregnant without hardly a thought. It's so hard.
I'm sorry you lost your little one. I wish you the best of luck in your journey going forward.
I'm glad you found solidarity here, Samantha. It's such an emotional mind game when our expectations for pregnancy timing don't go like we thought it would.
This is so tender, and so human. The ache of timelines that didn’t unfold as we hoped, the quiet sting of comparison, the longing tucked beneath gratitude—I felt all of it in your words.
You’ve written something that so many are living but can’t always say. Your honesty, especially in naming both love for your friend and the heartbreak of what could have been, is so sacred.
And that ending… El Roi, the God who sees—what a gentle balm. He sees your tears, your waiting, your hopes not yet realized. You are held in this.
Thank you for letting us into such a raw, holy space. You are not alone 🤍
Thank you for your kindness, Anna 🩷
It hurts like hell, and I'm so sorry you've been though this and that things aren't working out as you hoped right now.
Thank you for your comment, Alys. I appreciate you <3
The quiet anger. The “why me?” that we try to shove down so we don’t seem ungrateful. That line about having to swallow our sadness so others don’t choke on it?? Whew. That’s the part I didn’t even know I needed to read. You put words to something beautiful Sol!
Thank you so much, Mona, and thank you for reading
It’s rough. I have a grown son and a grandchild but after my first child died at birth and I was told I had 50/50 chances of it happening again, a pregnant friend suggested I let my husband impregnate someone else and pay them for the baby. That was 1986 and it still hurts to remember. You definitely have better friends, which is a blessing. That said, I feel your pain and am sending good juju your way❤️
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry--and what a terrible thing for that friend to say. I'm so sorry that happened to you
Oh Sol - all of this. I too had a friend (two of them in fact) with the same due date as me and it was joyful and excruciating at the same time to watch that day come and go for them and see how they became a family while we stayed the same.
I also agonize over our ever widening age gap - it’s all I think about when I see other families now. I’m always calculating the ages between their children, looking for a reassurance that my own will be fine as well.
I’m trying to tell myself that all families are beautiful in their own construction and that childhood is but a short period in a life. My son will be so appreciative of a sibling later in his life even if the gap is harder to navigate when they are small. And I try to look for the beauty in the gap also - we got so much time and love to pour into our eldest when he was an only.
I am sending you all the love in the world. This is the worst club in the world to be a member of, truly.
Sweet human, I'm so sorry. You sound like you're in the exact same spot as me. There is so much to be thankful for, but also, it hurts. But neither of us are alone <3
This hits so hard, and it's so difficult to trust in the Lord in the midst of suffering. It feels personal, and unjust, and just plain old wrong, because it is wrong that such precious life is gone. I'm sorry, Sol. I don't know what God's plan is for you and your fam. A verse that's been helping me with my MC is Jeremiah 29:11. Though it took decades for that fulfillment of scripture, it showed that God works in the long-term, and his faithfulness is there even when there's suffering among his people.
Thank you for sharing, Cass. He definitely works in mysterious ways, and I trust His plan for my life, even if it's hard.
Our youngest daughter was 7 when we adopted a 2.5 year old. She had been praying for a sister. That's 15 years ago and I have always been amazed at their close relationship even though they are 4 years apart in age!
Thank you for this encouragement!
wowww how you write is beautiful. i’m acc looking to connect w writers w similar styles to mine/ styles i like so wld y wanna be mutuals? i uploaded a post today too if u wanna read!