What Am I Like?
On being the stranger at the party
What am I like?
I went on a trip recently to visit a friend and celebrate her baby’s first birthday. I prepared myself to not know anyone at the party besides my friend and maybe a couple of her family members.
I was going to be the stranger there.
Very rarely do I wear makeup, but as an afterthought, I packed my mascara—just in case. Right before the party began I remembered the little white tube sitting in my toiletries bag and ran downstairs to throw some on. I looked in the mirror, satisfied with my reflection. It was just a little confidence boost to float me through the day.
I’m not the most outgoing person in the world, but I felt a little thrill thinking about how I was in complete control of what these people would think of me. I’m a blank slate, an empty page. I could pretend to be someone entirely different.
Maybe I could be funny and lively. Or mysterious and quiet—though I didn’t really pack an outfit for that. I could be a sweet young mom, the friendly girl from out of town. I could just blend into the shadows and let my toddler take all the attention.
I wasn’t here to impress anyone or make new friends. I was here for a one-year-old’s party, to make cupcakes and help clean up the aftermath. But it’s exciting, in a way, to hop into a small crowd of strangers. To create a new image of yourself if you want to, unmarked by gossip or high school acquaintances, and then leave without a backward glance.
What am I like?
The question haunted my mind during the party. I wondered how people perceived me. What my first impression was, if it varied person to person. It wasn’t vanity, no, but a simple curiosity. I’ve always thought it would be interesting to see myself from someone else’s eyes.
Standing in the back of that room filled with strangers, I wondered what their eyes saw when they wandered past me. Would I find something unexpected if I could see what they did?
Of course, I have my own perception of what I’m like. We all do. I listen and observe, I search for the magic in life. I like to sew and write and sit outside reading in the sun. I’m a lover of life and God.
I wonder if people can see these things. Do they see it in the way I dress, in the way I look around a room? In my smile, in my eyes?
Or do they see someone completely different?
Really, it’s a beautiful thing, getting to choose who you are. Being in control of how we treat others, capable of bringing light into a room with simply our presence.
We might never know how others see us — but at least we have the power to make it a good thing.
Did you know I run a literary journal? Go take a peek!
(And if you have a story to share, our submissions are still open!)
i find authenticity so freeing for this very reason. you don’t have to worry about people thinking you are false, or even of misunderstanding you - as long as you are true to yourself, does it matter if people can’t figure out the entire picture just yet? this was good to reflect on!
Very thought-provoking. As always, I love to read what you’re writing!